We will take a look at three cases in the Bible and seek to draw some lessons from them.
CAIN & ABEL
The reason why Cain killed Abel was sin.
Sibling rivalry is inevitable because all men inherited a corrupt sin nature (Psa. 51: 5). Our sin nature shows up early in life … young children are capable of experiencing anger and jealousy and may vent their feelings through unkind words and acts. As parents, we have the task of smoothing jealous feelings among our children and promoting sibling harmony.
JACOB & ESAU
The “silent” conflict between Rebekah and Isaac was compounded by parental favouritism (Gen. 25:27-28). Esau was a skilful hunter and could satisfy Isaac’s love for wild game. It was natural that Isaac loved Esau more. Jacob was a homely boy … staying among the tents … always with his mother. It was natural that Rebekah loved Jacob more. There was a kind of compatibility or matching … Isaac with Esau; Rebekah with Jacob.
There was nothing wrong with this drawing together of parent and child. What was wrong was that Rebekah and Isaac drew their sons into their conflict. It was a sad day when one parent unites with a child to deceive the other parent. This case of sibling rivalry has its roots in marital disharmony. Some 20 years later and after their parents had passed away, Esau and Jacob had a happy reunion (Gen. 33:4-11).
JOSEPH & HIS BROTHERS
Jacob (who should know the dangers of parental favouritism) made the mistake of openly showing his favouritism towards Joseph. It would be good if Jacob had made all his children feel special in some ways. No two children are the same. Each child is unique. The challenge for parents is to recognise and treasure each child’s special qualities and abilities.
The following suggest that Joseph may have played a contributing part in aggravating his brothers’ anger and jealousy:
emphasis on Joseph’s youth of “17 years of age … still a youth” (Gen. 37:2) suggested that Joseph lacked the maturity and tact in his relationship with his brothers as supported by subsequent events
- the apparent willingness (“I will go”) to see how his brothers and the flocks were faring (Gen. 37:13-14)
- the bad report about his brothers that he brought back to his father (Gen. 37:2)
- his recounting of his dream to his brothers … “your sheaves … bowed down to my sheaf” (Gen. 37:5-7)
As a result, they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words (Gen. 37:8). The above do not justify the brothers’ actions. But it does help parents to remember that it takes two to quarrel.